Good Love

I grew up listening to mostly RnB songs thanks to my mom and Whitney Houston's definitely been part of the many singers I've listened to as a kid. Just like most people today who mourn the loss of a true super star, I couldn't help but feel as devastated to learn that Whitney Houston has passed away at 48. I know most people go about saying how all of a sudden everyone's the biggest fan when someone famous and legendary dies...I say why not? It's just not fair anymore to think of who the world's biggest fan is when the real story here is the death of a legend.

It is quite chilling to realize that I've been hearing a lot of Whitney on the radio lately (if you're a Morning Rusher on RX 93.1 you know what I mean), been flipping through channels and seeing The Bodyguard frequently on HBO these past weeks and me and my best of friends always sing Whitney songs (among the billions of songs we sing when we're together) just because we all love how no one could ever reach Whitney notes and then I see news of her passing away. Is it possible then that somehow humans really could tell when final curtains will be drawn? It's just a thought.

But as I've said, the real story here is of Whitney and her pure, unparalleled talent and passion for her art. She's definitely touched many lives, made memories worth remembering thanks to her songs, influenced countless artists both famous and unknown and without her music, music itself wouldn't be as exciting and soaring as her incredible voice.

Somehow listening to her sing of heartbreak or new romances makes love, a million folds better. It's as if love in whatever state or form resembles a real drama, where love starts small and sweet, soars up incredibly high and then eventually dies down a memory so beautiful, it'll make you cry.

She will always be loved, remembered and revered. You Give Good Love, 20 plus years ago, saw a young Whitney, innocent, hungry and ready for the burning spotlight. My favorite song of hers. For the thousands of hopefuls out there, here is a legend that will take lifetimes to come close to.

Definitely gave good love.

R.I.P. Whitney Houston

- Gerard

21

Twins. 

Tj, my blood brotha/sistah you're approximately, 21 years old for an hour and four minutes. You will age, as I type, and as you slave away in Ortigas, but I'm pretty sure you're still the same old true true friend I've known for years.

I wish you a happy birthday. I also wish that you keep all your calm and your cool as we go through life. I wish you  keep soothing the troubles of the times with your priceless humor and your grip of reality, traits that only you have perfected. I wish you find your faith in God again (and I'm not kidding one bit) since I know that you know you are as grateful to him as I am. But most of all, I wish you all the happiness both past and future lives could afford you. Among the many I know, you deserve to be happy and find the no-bullshit contentment that a person as driven, as genuine and as real as you truly deserve.

For whatever may come your way, I shall always be with you just as you've been with me for all the crap and strawberries. 

A birthday dedication won't be complete without a bunch of thank yous. Thank you for being one of the most dependable people I know and love. Thank you for owing up to being a blood sibling. Thank you for just being an incredibly fun and wonderful person, cause honestly, the world would be much grayer without you. 

So keep calm, stop sucking your tooth too much cause it won't do you good, get your root canal done and remember that whatever floats your boat will surely give you biyahilo. I'm kidding. No, whatever floats your boat, just could be the only things that matter. Right? RIGHT!

See you in a bit.

Great love & respect,

Gerard

Unforgettable

The most memorable moment I've had with Grant Delfin was when I interviewed him for our once promising organization (VINO) and asked him what he'd want to be when he grows up. I remember him joking about being the next President of the Philippines. It stuck to me and for some reason, I believed that one day he will. Maybe because I could say, for a fact that Grant was truly one of the sincerest, purest, brightest people I've met. You could throw all the superlatives at anybody but they all crumble at some point. For Grant, crumbling just wouldn't happen, in any lifetime.

Now Grant is somewhere better, somewhere beyond what we could comprehend. Though I couldn't consider Grant a really close friend, Grant is much loved by everybody he's met. His death has proven to me so many things. One is that a man so pure, so genuine and so handsome actually exists. Two is that a man who fights, fights 'till the end. And finally, that it is possible to be unforgettable.

While I'm here, alive, living everyday in attempts of being just that, Grant has not once tried to be unforgettable. But just by being himself, he's touched lives he probably never imagined he'd touch. God has a special place for you wherever you are.

Life is indeed short, but it lasts even after what the Earth has granted you. In Grant's case, lifetimes from now, someone, somewhere will remember (and I'm sure it's not just one person)...

To being unforgettable, pure and simple.

Rest in Peace Grant.

- Gerard

Love Is A Losing Game

Amy Winehouse came to my life at an opportune time. You know how books, movies, songs, artists and other things suddenly enter your life at the moment that you felt you needed them most? For me, Amy Winehouse was the voice for a phase in my life that I couldn't really give one to. It wasn't just because she had catchy songs or songs that sounded fresh and new, but for me it was a connection, a relation to her words, to how she sings...And I've loved her since. Love Is A Losing Game felt like my song during a time and until now whenever I listen to it, a loop of memories would go rolling in my head. Her other songs are also favorites like Just Friends, Wake Up Alone and a lot more.

I claim no pure knowledge of her and her life or who she sounds like and who her references are. All that mattered to me was that she was here, singing songs I wish I could've written or sung or heard and songs that have compressed feelings I've felt within 3-4 minutes. 

So obviously, the news of her death just left me incredibly sad. Despite her problems, Amy Winehouse was a genius...Though troubled, she was one of the more human singers of recent history and for me it's amazing that way. Sure I wish she could've gotten herself together. But life's that way sometimes...

What's most admirable about her is how honest she is...Her lyrics are as telling as how she is in public and I believe that the reason why people love and hate her is cause of this. You can only expect honesty, purity and transparency from so little of the people we see today and Amy Winehouse was one of them. 

What I've learned from her is that in life's weakest moments, there is always strength you could muster, strength to face them through music and strength to share your life to the world, for who we are and what we're made to be is destined just for that...

Now, you deserve all the peace the afterlife could afford you...

Rest In Peace Amy

- Gerard

The Exit: An Open Letter to Batch 2011

So true. 

I'm skipping the awful sentiments, about how it felt like only yesterday and all that crap...

...Actually, it does feel like it was all yesterday. It's cliche, but it always feels like the first day of college. You barely know anybody and you think everybody's wayyy better than you (or if you're suffering superiority complex, everyone's not worth your time) when in fact, you're probably all just the same: kinda ugly, soon-to-be real great-looking kids who'll be shuffling through carpeted hallways to the next class, all for the sake of becoming who we're supposed to be.

So, for the record, I really didn't expect my college life to be such an amazing journey. I was set on being alone and just dedicating four years of my life to never having fun and just burying my face in books and readings (cause I always thought high school was where fun ended). But then I met lots of amazing people, professors included, who've been nothing but the most brilliant people you could ever meet in college. Surprisingly, even those people you think you'd never like you end up praising simply because they're not at all bad people.

What I'll be cherishing the most about college is definitely the school. They tell you that what you love about the school is actually the people, and had you been placed somewhere else with the same people, the setting wouldn't have mattered. In my case, I owe all of the greatness to my school. The University of Asia & the Pacific has opened me up to a culture I'd gladly carry around with me even to my last breath. This institution has taught me how to speak, write, listen, learn, create, appreciate, educate, understand and most of all, leave the mind, heart and soul open for just about everything. Four years has definitely whipped me into great shape in all aspects of life and credit goes to UA&P. Here, I have come to learn that we write our own stories, weave our own destinies and most definitely change the face of life itself for my own and for others. Here, I have come to learn that you could be as limitless as you want yourself to be. And here I have come to learn that the only thing you could do is be your best for yourself and for others.

Li De Torres, editor in chief of our superb yearbook, mentioned how the design of our book was inspired by matches (or something like that) and that they believed---my talented friends who have worked day and night to publish something all of us will be keeping forever, all of us were made to be great people someday soon. The whole "trailblazing" idea is great, really and that's how I feel after having completed education and my short life in UA&P. I am definitely one of the many trailblazers this university has groomed and I'm beyond glad to have shared it with fellow trailblazers, whom I believe, will be exceeding expectations in the future.

Of course, college would never be a four-chapter ride if it weren't for all the people involved: my family, my college and high school friends, my professors and just simply everyone behind it. Sartre tells you Hell is other people. And somebody else says man can never stand alone...Maybe they're both right and maybe what they're trying to say is that you just simply couldn't live without hell. I'm kidding. No, really, university life would have been a long, snail kind of travel if it weren't for these people. College wouldn't matter if it weren't for these people and I thank them for everything, for the best and worst of times and for the love they have shared with me. 

And the most important one of all, God...All of this would never be if it weren't for Him. Thank you and I love you.

Upon our exit of collegiate life, sometime after the amazing post-grad party, you'll wake up and say it's all back to normal. Then we complain that we're bored. Then we start enjoying the bum life. Then we complain about the first day of work or not having the best boss in the world. Then we tweet about the greatest love we've found. Then we get married. Then we have kids. Then we become parents. Then we become grandparents. Then we perish, like candles long standing and burning...

...Somewhere in between, we've become what our dreams have whispered us to be: writers, models, engineers, professors, government officials, public servants, artists, poets, celebrities, race car drivers, athletes, musicians, designers, business tycoons, personalities, idols, legends... 

And while we're never sure of tomorrow, what we could reach is the fact that before all of this happens, we were once mere promises and potentials waiting for this exact exit...

To the fulfillment of promises, to putting an end to potentialities, to changing the world and to being the best we could ever be...

Congratulations my friends, for this exit we shall never forget.

See you around kids.

- Gerard

Big Up J

Read Jules' post. Just read it.
Yes.........

Slowly, but surely that Jules Schrater exclusive's making its way up my blog's most viewed posts and I have Jules to blame.

The funny thing is, after I sent him the link, thanked him for about a billion times for the story, he told me it turned out great and that the photos I chose to feature were also the photos he liked. That warmed my heart, really. To hear that a client/subject liked your work feels like somebody's telling you you're kid's a beauty. That's how I take it. So I was content, right...Just posting on Tumblr and going about my usual online activities when, after following Jules on Tumblr, this really, out-of-the-blue photo of my all-time favorite, my super duper male model idol, Garrett Neff---in black and white and in the process of biting at a huge piece of pizza (watch your diet Mr. Neff. I kid. Eat the hell out of all of us and you'll still be a model), shows up on my dashboard.

Immediately I liked it cause it was of Garrett Neff and a photo taken by Jules (I love how I'm just calling him by his nickname, instead of the whole heroic sounding name he has...Well, he calls me G, so it's all great) so it was cool.

...

That was until I read the caption. Check the mother f-ing photo above. 

[This moment here, is exactly how it felt when I first saw it. Pure silence. And my heart just went crumping inside my rib cage...It was like a mini heart attack.]

And then I went crazy.

I e-mailed him, asked him a question on tumblr and did in fact realized that the dedication "Big up G" was really for me. It was triumph, I tell you. Like how a resurrection might've felt...I'm assuming that much. But anyway, it was awesome. I told myself that in our times, wishing on a star still works. In hindsight, it was a really simple, friendly gesture...

But in hindsight hindsight it was more than that. I, a model obsessed tiny little thing, was actually granted an interview by a rising model/photographer/blogger, granted by him half a wish (which is to relay to Mr. Neff that I am a big fan) and really, he took the time to dedicate that post for me.

It's bezerk. I've never had drugs, but I think that could've been how it felt. It still sends shivers down my scolio-ed spine and it's amazing.

So to Jules, J... Thank you for that. That day, I remember, was one of my stormy Mondays and scrolling down to see that dedication turned everything a thousand degrees. My only wish now is to be greeted by Neff himself.

You know how models backstage show you those pieces of papers with those "I love" whatever and whoever it is they love, scribbled on it? THAT's what I pray for and wish on a star for and ask Jules for. hahaha... One of him, holding that piece of paper and it reads "I'm all Salt-y. Amen. Big Up G!" hahaha...And then the other's Garrett Neff's, saying the same thing: "I'm Garrett Neff and I'm all Salt-y. Amen. Hey G!" 

I may be sleep blogging and therefore, tomorrow, when I read this I'll blush and feel ashamed, but hey, I'm a huge fan. So there...

Thank you Jules Schratter, congratulations on the A|X campaign. You look like a million bucks and more. 

P.S. To you Garrett Neff...You're name is a derivation of mine and that's one of the coolest things in the world. Stay awesome for life AND please, go take up all those ads and campaigns and walk them shows again...You ought to be on top, cause you damn well are.

Soon... 

- Gerard

Lady Love

In the early 80s in Tokyo. My mom's the lady who looks like me (hahaha). The lady in red.
My Tito Mike's the one w/ the cigarette, my grandmother and my Tita Anne's the one in a striped sweater
That chic guy w/ glasses, I don't know, but my mom knows him.

I'm going to make this short, straight-to-the-point and sweet.

Today is Mother's Day and for this household, it's a big thing. I practically have lived life knowing just a mother and having only the slightest idea of a father thanks to my stylish Lolo, my Tito Ed and some other people. But with my real dad, well, it's a complicated case. 

Anyway, growing up with a lot of mothers (that includes my Grandmother and my Tita Sharon) has its effects. For people who know me well, they know what they are. They're not always the best kinds of effects, but the best kinds are worth passing on to others. What I've learned from my mom in the 21 years of life God has given the two of us one could never summarize in a sentence. If I had to, it'd probably be this: The most important things I could learn about love, I learned from her. 

She's taught me the highest kind of love there is and hopefully will one day be able to give it to more than one person. She's also taught me about responsibility and (surprisingly) how to be a man---which includes having the balls to owe up to my mistakes, being responsible for your actions, apologizing, knowing your boundaries, etc. She's become my image of strength, that when a woman is thrown out to sea by her man, to drive lives to safe shores, she'll definitely deliver, if not surpass the mightiest of men. She's introduced me to my life-long philosophy of "Simple and Elegant" (which applies to all facets of life). She's provided us the best possible everything she could provide and it'll melt your heart to know that if she had more to give, she'd never blink or waste a second for us. 

And just like all mothers and sons and mothers and daughters, we've had our rough patches. We get on each other's nerves a lot, but it'll only last for minutes. After all, we pretty much are like best friends. 

So today, I honor her for being an example of love unconditional. She has proven that what they write about on greeting cards, portray on movies, write on novels, sing in music and paint on art could actually exist. For me, the most cliche of sayings, that "My mother is the most beautiful woman in the world" is beyond cliche, cause it's true. Besides, she has taught me---one of my favorite lessons, that beauty is definitely not just the pleasing or the appealing, but the suffering, the victories that only come after, the hardships and the resilience of the human soul.

To the strongest, most sungit, incredibly generous, successful, loving and beautiful mother on my planet, I love you so much and you know that for every triumph and standing-up I've had and will have, you're to blame (hahaha).

Happy Mother's Day Menchu! Hahahah. Alam mo yan!

- Gerard

When Legends say Goodbye

"I've been through it all baby, I'm mother courage" --- Elizabeth Taylor

"I don't think you can contrive any sound..." ---- George Shearing

When legends say goodbye, they mean it for the mean time.
And that is why you have to credit the French for differentiating good bye from good bye forever. Elizabeth Taylor, one of the world's most beautiful faces passed away today. And apparently, Jazz genius George Shearing passed away a month ago as well. I understand the beauty and enigma of Elizabeth Taylor, for who would close his eyes at a face like hers? She is a beautiful soul as well and God has charmed her life in so many ways. As for George Shearing, his music will always be part of a distant past I've never been able to enjoy. He is the talent and for this generation, I am afraid music as pure and as haunting as his would be a rare thing to find.

These two may have bid us good bye for now, but, like all great faces and names and people, memory will save for them an eternal place on Earth. Rest in Peace for them both. As Shearing plays, these two will surely be around still...


RIP

- Gerard

The House of Glitter

I told you he's a Gaga fan...
If he could grow those freaky-cool horns/thorns on his face, he would

I just spent half of my afternoon and night with my long-time best friend, Jerich "Glitterkid" Eusebio.

The Lady Gaga, theatric-crazed, top notch nursing student has been my friend for a decade and one. A person like myself rarely gets to feel a cut when it's happening, and that's a metaphor for realizing what you have the moment it hits you. It takes me time to rejoice at great news or to suckairthroughgrittedteeth in pain. But the moment I do land at a "crispy realization" (to borrow from Bon Iver) it whips me with its tail. 

So the "Glitterkid" celebrated his birthday yesterday, his 20th in fact and claims that today, was one of his best birthday celebrations ever. I'm glad that's the case cause if there's anyone (among the very few that I deeply care for) whom I'd love to "make" happy, it's definitely him. In my short list of people I'd probably die for, he figures in that list. And out of the four very important people I've met in my Lourdes days, he's also one of them and is probably the oldest I've known too. We go wayyyyyyyyyyyy back and when we both get mushy (which he knows I'd avoid) it amazes the two of us how much we've grown together and into very different people. What's probably most brilliant about the two of us is how much we get each other but at the same time we're standing on different points of the personality spectrum. He's proud to be eccentric (at times aggressively asserting it) and I'm oddly quite reserved (very oddly...).

As an analysis to put for my relationship with Jerich, it compares to a kid growing up and going back home. He stays at home for most of his life, goes out and travels the world to pursue dreams, at times losing himself along the way, but in the end goes back home. The home as a metaphor pales compare to what Jerich and I really have. Sure we've had our giant riffs and those irritating moments, just like everybody else, but when things are mended and healed (and even when they're not), it feels awfully right. I've made my mistakes when it comes to our friendship, he has too, and friendships are never perfect anyway. 

But what Jerich has taught me is impressive. From the most mundane of things to the shared interests we take great care to exploring the depths of human life, I'll always carry them with me wherever I set sail to. Whatever he's taught me has greatly impacted my life and the way I see myself and other people. Calling him promising is an understatement. I've always looked at him as someone making an impression, if not change, in a bigger picture. We're both idealists but as we've aged, we have been tampered with by the reasonable hands of reality, and still, what he wants for himself, for his friends and for life, in general, will keep you waiting in anticipation. 

I have my expectations of him, not because I want to see him fail, but because I know he's bound to make it, if not surpass it. And just like my other best of friends, (Tj and Bob), I could never really imagine going through life without the humor, the talent, the intelligence, the acceptance and understanding, the sense of things beyond the self and the undying love he has. I always tell him that the reason why people don't see him the way I do is because they weren't allowed to, others have chosen not to...But it all boils down to pinching the world like it's a photo on an iTouch or an iPhone...In the greater, grander scheme of things, those who don't get you are but tiny specks in the picture. What should matter is just how big the spirit could get despite of these things and at the same time, staying as tiny as them in physical reality. 

Seeing and knowing him now, he's doing so much better than the ghost of his past. And I'm happy that he is, because he deserves to be happy and to be growing into the person he's supposed to be. Talking to him hours ago felt like going back home...This time, it's festive, Lady Gaga sounding, definitely smart and most of all, shining like its built on glitter.

Happy Birthday my decade-long best friend....

For dreams, for life and for future lives to come.

-Gerard

The Story Teller

This photo has always haunted me...
Paul Newman and this beautiful lady
And the results?

You know when days are just so beautiful and the things you see are just incredible that you feel like you're about to burst of inspiration? That was today...When it seemed like everything went for me....(that test, my History of Ideas test, wasn't one of them though)....

Even Laur Lim seemed to have molded well for my inspiration. Check the Institution of Style for our "couple" picture.

And finally....Here it is....

The best one we got, thank you to Lesley "Le Sizzle" Choa, who's always the patient, cool girl I love

That's a whistle...Guess what song?

Donald Duck the bag by Tj "Chort" Estrada

The "working man's" bracelet and the silver braided one from Tj "Chort" Estrada
Watch my great, Lolo Pete's
The rosary bracelet from LSM

It's not just Paul Newman's photo that figured well for me today...

It was that dream of my Lolo that visited me and influenced my sartorial choices for the day. The dream was happy, he was wearing something red and he was pointing at something that he told me he was waiting for. It seemed that when he'd visit me in my dreams he's always happy and wearing such memorable clothes, probably the reason why I've taken to loving the ones I've inherited from him more (this one I'm wearing is of course, part of that collection). And finally taking to school Tj Estrada's (as you know one of my bestest friends) birthday gift for me two years ago, the Donald Duck bag proved an amazing hit and an unexpected bit for my outfit. People loved it and I loved it even more because it had a story, one that was special for me since Tj knew exactly what I had wanted and knew that there was nothing like it out there. The bracelets too are from him...

And after seeing how our photos (meaning Laur and Mine's and of course, Lesley's masterpieces) told so much---at least for me, I realized that great relationships make great style too...

Of course, it's not my whole claim to fame, that I have great style, but I guess what I'm trying at is a conclusion that when clothes are storied well with great people as makers, givers and simply other people who have the same value for style, clothes aren't just for keeping you warm or cool or decent or even about fashion per se...They become like amazing Penguin Classics, bound by fantastic paper, worded with elegant writing and stories worth leafing through over and over again...

Too sappy? Well, that's life... So far, my favorite post for this blog...

Dedicated to my late great Grandfather, Lesley the master lensman, Laur the "quirky" half of our "quirky" couple and of course, Tj, one among my bestest, most promising tastemaker friends ever...

NOW, I can sleep well. (hahaha).

-Gerard

Merry Christmas

FAO Schwarz always made me feel Christmas when I was young

As for my numbers 2 and 1 on my wishlist, what I really, really want every Christmas is to be able to bring a smile on someone's face.

Somebody sent me a message, days ago, ones that are part of manufactured chains that you send to those who made you smile this year. I got one. And even when I know it's just part of a long chain of people, I still felt at peace with myself that someone out there's smile was because of something I did.

I know it's hell cheesy and way too sweet, but if I could make the whole world laugh and they laughed because they're enjoying themselves, then I'd be pretty happy too.

Christmas does make you warm, fuzzy and less of a cold, cynical shithead, and it's nice to revel in it while it only visits me once a year...trust me, I'm not one on Santa's "nice" list.

Of course, there's always God to thank for everything and it's his birthday in a few hours so happy birthday to the man of my life...The only man actually.

I wish everyone's enjoying the company of friends and family and I hope work (and whatever it is that troubles you) won't haunt you tonight and tomorrow. Spare yourselves the pain of it for at least two days and just enjoy and give!

So, Merry Christmas everyone...

Here's to putting more smiles on your faces, smiles that aren't grins or smirks, but genuine, "I just came from FAO Schwarz and it feels great" kind of smiles.

-Gerard

My Family

Oh so saturated and happy and pretty...Worthy of a Tumblr reblog.

Put this on Tumblr, then place all your Tumblr-iffic quotes and what have you and it's all good.

This is my college family, one that'll most likely last for more years and decades after this final stretch of tertiary education. They say in the real world you'll find lots of friends, meet lots of people, but probably find so little "real" in them...I'm happy that I was gifted with great friends since elementary to college, cause these ones, are real people, the kinds that are rare to come by.

I love you guys and this is no post to get sentimental or super sappy over yet...When we do get the final picture, when we're say, days before graduation (Lord, let us graduate) that'll be the picture to get all pancake syruppy on.

In the meantime, cheers to the coolest, most beautiful and real people you'll ever find in the world, or at least, this side of it.

P.S. First photo up top was from second year college, then third year for the two in the middle and then at the bottom was taken today...

I need a fucking haircut.

-Gerard

Remembering

I live in the past, you somewhere in the future, and in between....

Dear,

I never called you dear and probably wouldn't ever sound nice...As a joke, it would. Anyway, this is probably a product of keeping it all bottled up for quite a while, though my journal's witness to this long frustration. I give credit to one of my best friends, Tj, for bringing this same sentiment up. I've been meaning to talk to you face to face...Not to ask you back, or poke at a chance...rather, to get a feel of things better, when all that teenage dream has faded into just that.

We woke up from it, I know we both did even while we were together. Now, I believe you're all perfectly fine, and I am too. What we had envisioned for each other has come to fruition and it's beyond beautiful. You, a good student, soon a lover to a new lucky soul (a well-deserved soul I must say) and I, a passionate, freelance writer, plucked by the forces that be...This is exactly what I believe we had in mind: success, promise and that waking up everyday for a damn good reason.

I'm writing this, publicly, cause you know you'll never be revealed. You trust me, and I know that. I also write this here, cause it's the only way I could reach you. Physically, the distance feels like two, three long steps from each other, but in reality, the distance feels like worlds and times apart. I live in the past, you somewhere in the future, and in between...

Life has been great to me after that day...Friends and family and people and life itself took on that big space you once filled and I tell God, every single day that I am thankful for it. But what I do pray for too, even up to this very day, is that you feel the questions I've been throwing to the world since. I have moved on, partially...a lot, but never fully. There is no recovery from love lost, especially when it's like the one we once had. But I smile, I breathe and I live great, even without the thought of you crossing my mind. In times like these though, I do remember and I remember well cause I choose to lay time for feeling this. All I ever ask, actually, to the universe, to time, to God and to you, is not to tell me you regret the day you let it slip, or that you want me back, or the truth about losing it...I want to know if you still remember? If I have ever impressed deep enough to be remembered, at least in a short, fleeting second of your long, joyous life... When you see things that you know has meaning to me, to us once, do you remember how it was? When you check the calender and pass by dates special, do you remember us? When you look at someone who might've resembled me, do you remember what I actually look like? It's been pretty long since the day we've seen each other, and there was once (only once after that long relationship) that I saw you, passed you by and in that noisy crowd, I couldn't say hello. I had lost the courage to reach out and tap your shoulder cause I was really afraid how you'd react. I was within arm's length and you never noticed. You were busy talking to a special friend that I know is the lucky soul you've chosen to set your life to. And maybe, if I did reach out to you, you might've forgotten my voice, my face and my name. You don't have amnesia, I am sure, but it sometimes feels like it...

Like all people, it's the remembering that matters...I don't want to be taken back like a long gone dog. I don't want to be continuously bothered by messages from you....But what I do want, is to know if who I was and am really mattered to you. 

To me, you have once been that silver shooting star, darting wild and burning across my grey skies...It was fast, momentous and forever life changing. You have taught me to catch and wait and be vigilant for things rare and special and worth experiencing bliss and sadness for, no matter how long or short it is. And I wonder, if I had been able to leave just the same impact to you as you did to me. Don't worry, I am not sad. I am just nostalgic and grateful for everything...While it haunts me, while it matters, while language grants me its power, it is worth writing. 

When I have finally penned the masterpiece I have promised the world to read, your name will be there...somewhere in the lines and curves and periods of my novel. You, among a lot of others I've met and had left an impression, will be staring through the eyes of fictional characters, right through my readers' temporary ones, and they'll have an experience of you, millions of them, who will feel weightless and alive like I once did. And when you pick it up, when we're older and wiser, I hope it'll spark a tiny flame in your heart, that once, we had it, and that once we were. 

It is the only thing, I believe, that matters to us humans. Love dances and dies too, but the memory breathes, just as long as the mind gives it enough space. Leave me a small one at least, just so that when this all ends, I know all my time and love was well worth it. I have saved you one that's big enough to keep me hopeful, humble, learned, appreciative and loving.

Now, and probably for a long time, I have myself craned to the sky for that rare, bright shooting star that'll burn my black skies yet again, and probably just like you, it'll be worth all of long life's questioning, learning and loving...

Here's for remembering you, not like your dead, but because you will be alive, forever...

Love,

-Gerard

Thanksgiving's Hmmm Post

I look so tall here. Do you like this look better than my other, same sweater post?

Photos by Lesley Choa

It's Thanksgiving today and even if we're not in America, it still felt like it cause my mom had something special for dinner: Shake N Bake. It's not turkey and there's no stuffing, but just cause it's Shake N Bake, it's special... And I told her that I was excited for dinner tonight, especially when we stopped by the grocery this morning to get the "supplies". I've been in love with food lately and knowing myself, I have to control my love for it. I get addictive and a little excessive on things I start to love and if I don't control that, we know the result...Gaining weight is just part of it, and not really a bad end, but what most unnerves me is being weak and giving in to such whims. If there's one thing I don't like about myself (or anyone for that matter) it's my tendency to lose control. I'm no control freak, but I believe that moderation is one of the finest things we should master in life. Too much of anything is bad and too little is just the same. And besides, being human gives you all the power of control over yourself...Reason why I frown upon people who blame others for being a certain way. There are those I know who resign to weakness by pointing fingers--- I myself have slapped my face hard from such inklings when I was young and I'm trying my best to be my own man. I do understand that it is natural to want to put the weight on somebody else for things that don't go as planned, but when you reach a mature point, you would want to have the balls to say, "okay I'm not healthy anymore, I have to control it", or "I'm being  such an ugly person, I have to stop being this way"....Goodness, the stretch  from thanksgiving to food to self-control to philosophy. 

Anyway, enough about that. I want to thank two special people for making my week an interesting and happy one: Thanks to the Choa sisters, Lesley, whom you know very well, and to her sister, Greta (as her Twitter account reads) Choa-Uy. Greta, treated us to lunch last Wednesday, even when I insisted to pay for it. Thank you for that short lunch cause I had fun, learned so much about the advertising agency, Cary Santiago (my favorite topic), their plans, my plans, traveling, Cebuano culture, Gavin Uy, the cutest baby I've seen in a while, Madonna, London, Kate Middleton's wedding to who else and most of all, being a best friend to Derek Ramsey and vise versa. If you were there you'd laugh and learn and that's basically how lunch should be spent: sweat-free, if it's possible, funny and educational and yummy! I hope I see Greta soon cause she's such a character.And of course, Lesley, my dear, dear friend who's always taking such wonderful photos for me and for herself and for the school and for everyone else...

It's nice to meet new people and that's one thing on my to-do list for next year: meet new people, make better friends out of acquaintances and try to be friendly and establish important ties with people. I've had so many friends since I was young and having more is most definitely an inexpensive way of enjoying life. Also one reason to be thankful for. Sooooo....Thank you to my friends for being such great investments. You will always be loved. 

There are so much more things to be thankful for, a batrillion of it in fact, and one of them, just to drive home a stylish point, is to thank God for giving me able feet. I love how my legs look trim here in this photo and I credit that to the art of running (which I have to get back to soon). Without my nice, able feet, running would never be possible, walking and a lot more other things would never be possible too, and of course, nice shoes and jeans and all the aesthetics involved wouldn't be possible...And my height too would never be possible without feet. It sounds funny, but it's cause it's a realization hitting me "now lang". Thank you God for everything else.

Happy Thanksgiving kids! If you have turkey, I'm so jealous. But at this time, 9 something, you should be sipping your hot tea...cause 9's too late for dinner. Right? Oh well. 

P.S. Check out Preview's latest issue, it's posted below and also prepare yourself to fall in love with Heart and Inno Sotto's magic (if you haven't seen this video).

-Gerard

Moody's Mood for Love

The look of love...is definitely a batrillion times better than this.

Thank you Lesley for the photo

To Dear Mr. John Mayer...You know you ought to do a record of covers, Sinatra covers to be exact. I watched him sing Glad to be Unhappy with Chris Botti and he's pure magic, probably better than his cover of In The Wee Small Hours of the morning. I believe he'd do great covering more Sinatra songs, I just hope he gets the best people to do the album with. Anyway, Glad to be Unhappy I could say, was me, probably, five week ago, when I had that awfully too realistic view on life and thanks to Sinatra, he's got us covered:

Look at yourself, if you had a sense of humor 

You would laugh to beat the band

Look at yourself, do you still believe the rumor

That romance is simply grand?

.....

Fools rush in, so here I am

Very glad to be unhappy

I can't win, but here I am

More than glad to be unhappy

Unrequited love's a bore

And I've got it pretty bad

But for someone you adore

More than glad to be unhappy 

And it doesn't help that kids my age are in different states of claimed depression about lost love, losing love, love...plainly love and all its complex webs. When all the smoke's gone and you've been single or more attune to your sense for pretty much a year or two, you'll come to your own and suddenly this tumultuous chase for love---whatever form it is, seems, not really unnecessary but rather, timely. And it deserves the time too.

I'm probably one of the few persons, if you get lucky or deserve it, that'd give you the advice of "feeling it". I've gone through my lot of troubles and I honestly don't like it when people tell me to "think positive" or "don't be that way". We want to hear what we want to hear and if you're like me, what I want to hear is the truth. I want to be told that I am senseless and juvenile and pathetic. It hurts a lot but it works. Cause after that you get to pull yourself from the mess and look at it, as if you're rising above it. I don't want to hear people telling me "you should be ashamed of yourself" all the time, but when phrased better, I wouldn't mind hearing it if I deserve it. Not all of life's a dream anyway, we spend more of it awake and I believe that's when life really happens.

I've talked to friends lately and they've been ranting about, some get teary-eyed Jesus bless your souls, their love lives and how the interplay of different personalities and maturity levels are all on the table ready for discussion and it saddens me to hear it. And as I've mentioned before, this is love...You lose it, win it. And most of all, you feel it when it's time for feeling it. We usually don't want to be sad right? And the natural tendency is to flee and lose ourselves in those happy, jumpy times with friends. But sometimes, it helps to face it and soak yourself in it when necessary. When your heart starts going like a vacuum, as if at your spine it's metaphorically there but it's literally not, shut yourself in, close the blinds and let that vacuum suck you dry. You're human and you get tired...When you finally do, go out, have breakfast and move on. But most of all, you're human and more powerful than words could ever say, so you have control over these things. Believe me.

My project for myself is too give time for every feeling I have. I've been down during the sem break and I let it rip me, not consume me. Now I'm all middle and it's nice. Soon, I'll be on my toes, eager to jump high with a beaming smile on my face cause I'm happy. It's not being schizo or bipolar, cause those are two far more different things, it's more like allotting time for everything. Five weeks ago, I would've been living the Glad to be Unhappy life, now I'm appreciating it, but maybe three weeks later, I'm all You Make Me Feel So Young or Moody's Mood for Love, who knows right? But since I am old enough and has some good past to account for knowing a little something (not everything), I now believe that feeling fat, depressed, lost, uninspired, in love, loved, falling out of it, looking for it, are all timely things that I should immerse myself in. When I get tired, and when I've maxed out the right amount of time for feeling things, I'll let go, learn and take a new step into a new  song or experience or emotion.

Actually, this post is dedicated to (not just me) but to a friend who's feeling down...I suggest you let this one bite at you, nibble at your soul a little and when you feel like it's boring you or pathetic or eating you up to the core, step out of it cause you're actually the only one person who could make these things happen. Allow these days to enter you and open your doors when they've done their job...Life's too short, escaping it by sleeping is full of shit, you know that.

-Gerard

 

GQ!

My third-year high school, all-time favorite magazine cover. Feb. 2007

Clive Owen=cool and elegant

I still remember that raspberry plus something scent of Patron or whatever drink that was that you smell from the flaps on the pages. An iPad can't do that...yet

One of my favorite 90s covers: Timothy Dalton

When he was still, well, sober and not filming that documentary

Got that VOGUE vibe going on

I had the biggest man crush on Tobey Maguire.

Cause of him Spidey's my favorite hero

Hello, I look too handsome for a cover: Colin Farrell

The Thomas Crown Affair? I think this was from the 70s

My concept of a holiday cover

Coooolllll

Green looks awfully nice

The ONLY cover I loved that came from the 80s,

when the magazine started looking a little dull and less artsy

November 1960....so beautiful and romantic

Giving GQ the Klimt effect

This is worth a frame...Don't you think?

Does this even need a caption?

Duhhh....Robert Redford. The Great Gatsby...

When models mattered. And may I add, "male" models in there too

I'm not quite sure what other kids grew up reading to, cause I remember that I've been madly in love with GQ, right after I got past my collection of grocery-bought Disney Adventures back in the 90s (when a trip to Memphis' Piggly Wiggly involved boxes of fattening cupcakes and Disney Adventures and an afternoon dedicated to playing outside my uncle's garden and choosing between Charmander or Squirtle).

My first ever issue of GQ was the one with Viggo Mortensen on the cover: April 2004 and we were waiting in Detroit going somewhere. After that, I started growing into, what I felt like, proper style and lifestyle. And this was when I was 200 pounds and probably around 14 or 15 years old. After flipping through the musky pages of GQ, I fell flat on the floor and had been baptized into a world of American masculine style and elegance and humor. Since then, GQ has acted like a big brother to me, one who sort of taught me the ropes around an American lifestyle and culture that was relateable to people down our shores. GQ taught me the things to wear for certain occassions and up to now still acts like my Blair & Robertson of men's style. VOGUE, is another story. But the best thing about GQ is not so much how it dictates you, but it guides you to finding your own niche in style. That's one huge reason why I keep it and keep buying it even when it costs so much here.

Some people might not understand the seemingly superficial relationship (not to mention way too expensive for my age and non-existent income) between a youngin' and a magazine, but to the few who completely get it, it's not an addiction but a constant study of certainly an important part of life: style. GQ has got me covered I believe cause it's funny, it's rude but witty, smart yet easy to understand, expensive but also very achievable. Like I said, it functioned like a kuya, one who was away from home cause he's enjoying the prime of his life, who plays tennis and golf and American football, owns a Prada laptop sleeve and is never snooty and goes home to teach you how to barbecue and which drinks to drink on certain days and also tells you to shut the fuck up when you're being too juvey and then after, pats you on the head to tell you he's not sorry but, like all big brothers do, tells you to grow up and be a respectable young man. I love GQ, obviously and if my mom is reading this, she'll know that a year's worth of subscription is a perfect Christmas gift. Especially now that I am 100% certain that this is the glossy I want to work with in the future.

Enjoy going through GQ's decades upon decades of covers (from the 1950s-2007, these are my favorites...and yes I've clicked through all 529 of them), see the trends of the times and like me, start falling in love with the magazine too.

P.S. If GQ gets to read this, I hope they start doing covers like the ones they published back in the 50s-70s, when it was more, well, artsy and "imaginative" (if that's the term for it).

-Gerard

Man About Town

It's thick and it's clean and it's Man About Town

One (among two) of my favorite photographers, whose probably on her way to making it big anytime soon, Lesley, brought AND bought me Man About Town from Singapore.

I really wanted a copy cause for me, the cover summarized the mood of the year...And I never had any copy of Man About Town. She checked my wishlist before so she could get me something and it's the sweetest, heartwarming thing ever.

I told her I'll make sure I get her something this Christmas and I'm a man of my words. Plus, she deserves it. Lesley's one of the nicest people I know in school and nice people deserve gifts. She's also a friend of mine and I'm really excited (and pressured) to get her something...I was feeling a little down today, thanks to that awful dream and some other issues and receiving a gift just makes everything a little better. But actually, even though it's all cheesy, the idea really counts more than the actual thing. Just to be remembered is awfully nice to know. Don't you worry Leszles, I will give back real soon.

THANK YOU!!!!

BIG CHUNKY HUG!

So happy. :D

-Gerard

Thank You

One of the coolest gifts (from among millions I've received).

Thank you Tj for this, I really felt warm and fuzzy. :))

To Bob too for making my birthday amazing.

I'm in my room, partying to Usher and it ain't so bad.

I spent 4 in the afternoon yesterday to 4 in the morning today with my best friends and it was insane. We're not the drinking kind, but we had lots of fun, just "chilling". That's how we really are and it's nice.

Today, all I did was marvel at my mom's gift (thank you for the wonderful new toy mom, I love it but I love you more than anything else), download apps like crazy and stare at my Facebook wall. Well, aside from that, I also received one of the best gifts I've ever had in my entire life. For the very first time in my life, I was witness to a wonderful, golden sunrise around 5 something this morning. It was incredibly beautiful and that was the perfect reminder that life is always all good.

Things have not gone as planned today, but you know, I'm content and most of all, very very thankful for all the amazing, beautiful gifts I've been continuously receiving since day one of my life. And in the twenty one years of life I've been enjoying, I ought to have no room for regrets and sad episodes...

To the people who's greeted me from everywhere thank you so much for remembering my birthday. To me it's one of the best things to receive, a greeting from people who all have spent a few seconds just to acknowledge your existence.

I had this grand plan for my 21st months ago, but because I'm indecisive and just not up for that HUGE celebration, I favored some quiet time at home and I believe it's just as good as any birthday celebration I've had.

Then again, with amazing people, family and friends around, it's like everyday's my awesome, crazy cool birthday. :) And of course, all credit goes to God. Without him, nothing would ever be possible. Thank you everyone for making this day extra special for me...I love you all and I wish you more beautiful years to celebrate all beautiful occasions with.

Here's to being 21 and being, hopefully, a brand new 21st version of me.

-Gerard

L'Estraday

Walk, walk skinny baby...

Dear Teej,

You know that everyone special deserves a special post on my blog. And since you are special, yun lang.

Tj Estrada, you are finally in your "line of 2" and I am excited for you. I am excited because you're finally a big boy now. And I mean that. I've written so much about you before so you know how special you are to me. I treat you, just like Bob and Cindy and Jemma, as a sibling. You could also pass as my fierce, skinny tall twin. You're so gay but people don't know how straight you actually are. You're straighter than most people I know and that's very admirable.

Despite your sad moments, you know you're worth more happy days than gloomy ones, because, aside from your spicy humor and your lithe body (hahaha), you're bursting with potential and an inner glow that only a few have. I guess we could credit that to Myra 300 E.

It's an hour before your birthday and I want to get serious:

Thank you for all the memories. You have proven to be one of the bestest people I have ever known. You're such a smart young man, stylish, funny, extremely talented and simply one of the greatest people anyone would ever want to call a sibling. I also know that whatever happens, we have a friendship that needs no proving, because this is one of the surest things we have (this sounds so romantic hahhahaha).

I wish you all the best in life because I know that, even if you sort of don't "buy" religion, God will constantly shower you with everything that is necessary to turn you into the best person you ought to be. I wish you nothing but happiness, success (which I know is always within your reach, just stretch) and, of course, love.

I also wish that one day, we could travel the world and laugh at people and at ourselves.

Just remember this, whatever favorite color it is you have (either black), you will be the smartest, chicest and slimmest color of the rainbow.

Happy Birthday twin...I hope you treat me tomorrow, on your birthday. I want A LOT of good food. hahaha...and Starbucks.

Anyway, whatever happens I will always be here for you, being one of your coolest, most awesome confidence boosters in the world! :D I LOVE YOU MAN!

See you in a few Snooki!

AND CAN YOU STOP BAPTIZING ME WITH DIFFERENT NAMES ALL THE TIME?!

-Gerard

The Jermy Day

YIPEEE!!!!

Photo by Lesley Choa

Dear Jemmur, Jermy, Jemmziloo, Jemms

In a few minutes, you'll be 20 years old and I still can't (in a British accent) believe I don't have a gift for you. I guess friendship would do. Anyway, you are one of those genuinely rare-to-find cool people in school and I'm happy that Noelle cut that day in Korea class, because if she didn't I guess it'd take us longer for a friendship to start. I treat you like a sister. I love how we think alike and we're very indecisive and kinda moody but pleasant most of the time. I know a lot about you and you know a lot about me. So, if one day you'll spill like beans I shall be sad and think about our friendship...But I love you cause you're beyond awesome, truly genuine and incredibly beautiful inside and out. PLUS, you're one of those brilliant minds in our batch so keep being shiny and brilliant.

I hope sleek will give you a nice, hard time tomorrow so I could finally punch his face. And I also hope chicharoo will be the same, so I could trip her sexy walk. Now, you're birthday will be better!

I will get you a good gift, one that you'll enjoy and treasure (hopefully).

I pray that you always remain that humble and faithful to God because these are two traits kids our age have certainly forgotten about. Masarap ang buhay mo cause you deserve it! I love your phone and I will one day steal it. Okay, enough of this stream of consciousness writing.

I'll see you in approximately, ten hours and I'll hug you and kiss you and greet you a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday!

I know I have found a true friend in you even in the shortest time and I shall work to be just as true to you, because that's the best gift any person could give you (or at least one of).

God bless you London!

I truly LOVE YOU! :D

P.S. You're so young. For three days we'll be the same age. And then it's over. hahaha

-Gerard