Eat!

This, any day. Everyday.
From Pinterest

I remember seeing a photo of Marlon Brando (post-accident Brando), on set, eating a slice of watermelon with a cigarette in hand and immediately craving a cool slice of my own. Then there's the constant dilemma between buying Bon Apetite magazine or saving up those extra hundreds for something more "useful" and "necessary". Then there's that memory of how at Draft, their burger takes me away everytime to some happy place, something that possibly narcotics could bring you. And then also how that pinch of salt  makes miles of a difference on anything. That's how food is. Even mere photos of it elicit drive or a want to do something, to eat, to enjoy with friends and to remember how things have looked, smelled, sounded and tasted while we were at it. 

Beauty by Camus and Ton

This just wowed me. It's this close to being perfect.
Bette Franke by Tommy Ton for Style.com

Might've been the big F. Scott Fitzgerald fan in me that has taught and changed my perception of beauty that beauty, in whatever way, is best enjoyed when its fleeting, moving and easily burned. Not to say that all things ugly ought to stay while things beautiful should only last for seconds. But it's probably the best way to have it. 

It's always that empty and yearning feeling beauty leaves that you set out your life for, something I obviously picked up from The Great Gatsby, and as Khalil Gibran said (my all time favorite quote) " We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting..." So what beauty is, actually is the great heaven or nirvana that you chase after and design your life for. Once encountered, you will definitely want to look at it more, love it more, be with it more until finally, you completely understand and get what it is and what makes it beautiful. 

So imagine just how happy I was after seeing this photo of Bette Franke by Tommy Ton. It is everything I have pictured "beauty" to be in today's context. She is effortlessly put-together, very stylish , a human being in fact, but somewhat someone above us...Truly beautiful. If I had been there, I'd sigh and have the memory of her breezing by tattooed in my head. I know it might be too much of a reaction, but if what I see everyday is this beautiful, I would be literally, on a high. Albert Camus puts the feeling best in words. 

"Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time." --- Albert Camus

Just plain beautiful.

- Gerard

The Past Now

Julian Barnes' masterpiece: The Sense of an Ending
Photo obviously not mine cause this one's too cool...

Finally a week deep in the down South and I could say, with confidence, that I, know Southern style. Been flying back and fourth from Manila to Memphis since I was a kid and I now understand better why people love it here. Aside from staying in a hundred year-old mansion, all well kept and sprinkled with the finest I've seen, it's the sense of family and slow, warm hospitality that I truly love about Memphis. Food's great, people are all so charming and simple and when Target and Starbucks is a hop away (well, sort of), you know life's all good. But anyway, how is everybody doing?

I hope back home weather's better, in all sense of the word. Heard it's been raining crazy.  I love it when it rains in Manila. I want to believe it's cooler than those past weeks we've had---felt like everyone was melting. Here weather's dry and hot, but it still takes more to break a sweat.

So while I've left my hectic and fun job back home, I have all the free time in the world now to do just about what I've longed to do in so long: finish and read a novel. Murakami's 1Q84 is a whole different story, and when I do finish that, I'll let you know.

Whenever I go on vacation, I make sure I am occupied with something good to read. Last time I left the country I discovered Child 44 and Drink, Play, Fuck. Add to that a bag of magazines and I was happy. Now, I've chosen to get myself the book I've been waiting for: The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes. So far it's a splendor to read. Tons of philosophies, tons of retrospect in the context of the character, Tony, and a study of a certain part of human nature and what it is about.

Old Times

The best period editorial I've seen in a while.
VOGUE Turkey, shows you how it should look like at a shoot.

Always liked the old times. After picking up my favorite novel, The Great Gatsby, I've been caught and trapped under its spell. It might have been Fitzgerald's delicious writing---that I keep as my touchstone for everything I write, or the knowledge that afforded me after all I've read that just made me love the 20s and the 30s. And then I went on to the 50s and all the legends and icons of those days... And it was then that I realized how much of a romantic I am.

These were the times when my 80 something year old grandmother was having a whiff of first love and times when long-gone relatives have lived stories that we only get to read now...Through literature, movies, art, music and fashion, I've seen only what has been and have never had the slightest idea of how it really was back in the "good old days". But there was something about the lack of all happy, poppy color, or the subtlety of color that I find pretty interesting, something I've deduced from looking at old photos and watching old movies. To me it all seemed as if things were all too fine, too poised for the ladies and for the gents, too smooth yet masculine. Suddenly it's as if you could smell airplane gasoline, something cold, old perfume, cigarettes and liquor in the air...Somehow, it felt simpler, but still overwhelmingly dramatic and inspiring. 

I still have a so-so idea why the past lures people in. Usually, the expectations from people who love to read and write is that they know why people drop anchor to the past. I, only have an idea: If you could cut the entire population to romantics and futurists (if there is such a thing), you've got half for each.. Most of us look back at what has been and call it inspiring, the rest look forward, dreaming up things and call that inspiring. Personally, I think the past is all so hypnotic because it has a sense of rawness to it, something untouched and important. Now I feel like things are so conveniently gelled together, less pure and that the world is looking smaller that there's only so little room for more. But of course, that's a sickness I suffer from. I am, anyway a romantic and am guilty of being foolish to want to live at a time I'm not meant to be in. So here is a tribute to the old times, when, in the eyes of present past-lovers such as myself, is all how time should be: all inspiring, a pinch magical and incredibly beautiful.

Lighter

Change of perspective...Reflecting...
(If only I looked in the mirror and saw this for a reflection. BOOM! haha)

A friend pointed out something different about me weeks ago and I remember her face and how she said it: "Parang ang taba mo ngayon." Lord knows just how much of a weightI burdened trying to lose five pounds. I lost it all right. I'm happy. Not really cause I wanted to show her I lost weight---because she might not see it and in reality, it doesn't truly matter, but because I had set to lose some  anyway and now I'm 5 pounds lighter.

Fast forward to last Wednesday when I sat a little tired, hours past work and dinner swimming through stories, memories actually, of how the woman laid to rest in front of us was while she was alive. Lola Edeng, my grandmother's closest cousin passed away days ago and even though I wasn't close to her, I wanted to pay my respects, let the family know that we cared and let Lola Edeng know that from the rare times I've seen her, I remember her.

Tito Boy, Lola Edeng's son, had a really short speech to give about his mother and the thing that really stuck with me was how he described his mother, saying something like how his mom always does things with and for a purpose. Sifting through the beauty of her being a good mom, a good woman, a great friend, a caring parishioner what made me more sad was knowing that a woman who believed in a purpose, had a real sense of life was gone.

Laws of Beauty

You just might be the beauty Chad Buchanan's eyes are seeing.

I've tweeted this before, something about frogs and I remember Bryle retweeting it. Let me quote myself here: "When I'm a little sad about being single, I tell myself there are people out there who like frogs, so why wouldn't I be liked, I'm a frog." Which went totally far off track than the original thought I had in mind. 

What I meant was, if there are people out there who like frogs, and to me, frogs aren't at all likeable, then there must be someone out there who likes me, when, in my head, I don't find myself incredibly attractive at all. But don't worry, those are just the few times I allow myself to feel insecure. 

It is however, captured in this quote by Ivan Panin the truest thought I've attempted to describe in 120 characters: 

"For every beauty there is an eye out there to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart out there to receive it." --- Ivan Panin

And while the laws of beauty and art may seem to draw at something universal, there are also those moments of beauty, truth, love, whatever it is you want to talk about that captures you and you alone and then the universally acceptable, beautiful and real just don't matter anymore. Suddenly, these moments become your laws of beauty. Don't you agree?

Haha, what a way to open up my long-gone Good-looking weekend post. Feast your eyes on this weekend's beauties. Because for every beauty, is an eye to see it. Enjoy... 

Pull!

...to fall apart into the millions...Marcel Castenmiller

Since I could remember I've always felt like there had been much pressure, responsibility and expectation burdened upon my shoulders. Why? It's most likely because of what I've gone through. Probably why I've been attracted to Atlas and Ayn Rand's book cover. And that's probably why I've had contrasting ideas and interests and sometimes, hard-to-tell, difficult-to-categorize of a personality. The feeling actually is staying in the in between---and it's not even because of a sexual orientation  issue, that I've got cleared, alright. It's something else, and it's just hit me now.

Today, I realized that I'm built to endure an eternal tug of war not between, but among a million pulls. If I'd break and if I had ever given myself room for a breaking point, they come in small, unexpected moments. It's part of being human anyway, breaking down. The cheesy part, I'll have to skip, cause honestly, I don't feel like getting up. And it's not even an issue of giving up, it's just not always how it is...If I could just break apart into the millions of pulls people, time and memory has engraved on my soul, I really would love that. 

Then again, no one can ever go against how he's built. Others are built to feel free, others to soar up, others---sadly, to fail and find contentment in it, that's how they are, and nothing's wrong. What's wrong is not being how you are, how you're built. And since this is how I am, then this is how it shall all happen. Keep pulling and the only person winning, in the end, I know, is me.

note: Despite the happy fact that I've met such awesome people today, I just had to recognize the fact that you just can't end a day happy or sad. Balance kids...Balance.  I'm also sorry I have to write in cryptic, kindaemotionalandsad language, but I needed to let it out. Good night.

- Gerard

Clarity

...bathing in clarity that, after all, I am human

I don't care if it's attractive/cool at all to put my heart on my sleeve at this age and I figured if I want to be a writer, putting my heart on my sleeve ought to be the least of my worries. Since I've been pretty much in a mood for weeks now, I looked through my diary out of habit and realized that I've felt this way before. This odd, kind of existentialist mode you slip into. It's not something you prepare for, also not something you condition yourself to dive into...It's normal. It's not like you plan it and go "Oh one day, I'll go all Camus on myself so it'd sound good and beat Paulo Coehlo out of his famous paperbacks..." It's not like that. (I wish it was like that at least you have some solid reason to be in this mood, right? hahaha)

It just happens. If this hasn't happened to you yet, it's bound to. Mid-life crisis, I believe feels like this. Or when you're sad. Or sometimes when you just couldn't make sense of things, even when you're incredibly happy... Basically, when you're vulnerable.

So anyway, I read this again and about three sentences into it I just realized that I had to put this up on my blog. The reason why is because I think this is an ageless concern...Everyone goes through it. And this is my way of saying that you're not alone in it...I mean, things have been written about this before me anyway, but all I'm saying is that, it helps to put it out there. Besides, that's what language is for anyway? Right? So go read it up, it'll be really rare for anybody to see a diary entry I've made (ahahha) and, hopefully, it'd shed some light on some of your troubles. (It did mine, but I'm still having my bouts, so...)

FYI, I'm no faith healer, no inspirational speaker...I'm just, you know, a model-obsessed person who happens to have something more to say than just who's beautiful and who's handsome. (That's cause my blog's been too light and pretty lately that I forget what Salt's purpose is anyway)

In Dreams

Ocean Grove Moon by Ken Ahlering

It was one of the most peaceful I've reached...

Out in the middle of the ocean, waves were rolling in tiny ripples, swaying my boat to a still lullaby. Clouds  were pushed aside for the silver full moon. It was this close and huge above me that if I stood up, stretched my hand up I'd touch its cool mercury face.

I was rowing and the water was black and silver, the wind and the moon its painter. I was smiling and rowing to somewhere, slowly, steadily. The moon felt larger and as slow time crept by, it glowed heavier, more heavenly until...

I woke up. By far, it was one of my most beautiful and peaceful dreams. I'm glad to have placed my diary on the floor so the moment I sat up, I wrote this. I went on Google to scout for a painting that'd capture the dream so perfectly and I found Ken Ahlering's painting. It's this close to the dream I had, only difference was that the ocean seemed to stretch  forever and spread in such a huge radius like it covered the face of the Earth . And I couldn't shake it off. 

The moment I got home from class I searched what it meant...A full moon, they say, represents completion and wholeness, the ocean stands for one's emotional state. Rowing signifies a journey of spiritual progress and  of the emotions...

Interesting what one finds in dreams.. I never forget what Dr. Mariano taught us about dreams, that when we dream, we've got a foot on conscious ground...It's a start. And if we all go philosophical on this, I believe this dream is my start to finally reaching some honest-to-goodness emotional and spiritual age. To take from my own writing, this dream translates to me, having a foot on a new, older age. And I'm glad, cause I honestly feel it.
Maybe that's the reason why I've felt so peaceful, so serene and never, in my dream life, so sure and unafraid of the ocean. Tonight (I hope) I'll be dreaming of more things...Better things.

- Gerard

The Lift (and #'s 4& 5)

Shia Labeouf with his wrist tattoo "1986-2004"

There was something quite life-changing that affected the way I see things right after that time, when suddenly being tough and feeling like you're destined to be a soldier meant everything to me. Up to this very day, being the weakling that I am, I anchor myself onto the past just so that I learn to face things with a different (and hopefully wiser) perspective when they hit me. Mind you, I am not stuck in it, I just remind myself constantly about it, since it will teach you a lot of things.

I understand why life, after some point, starts turning all schizophrenic and at the core if it, it seems like a fight for something---whatever it is you're fighting for, and being a fighter, I needed to be tough. 

To put in clearer terms, having founded myself for a while on dreams and youth, and being "promising" while it mattered will get you somewhere, but it'll probably put you in a comma for sometime when time and the rest of the world you thought was yours start turning their backs on you...So, just like most of us, I had to grow up. I had to pull myself from it all and land on top of a sturdier plane, where things are clearer, less dreamy sure, but at least real. 

Now, it hits me that the reason why I'm so keen on Dr. Mar's "Lift" is because it related to me as a personal triumph. I've heard so many stories about people's lives and it's inevitable (and thank God it is) that the ones who live to tell, have resurrected from their deaths because they lifted themselves up. Lift, may be a consideration of the flight of birds , and it sure is, but it could mean a personal triumph...At least, for me. This was a victory after a war...I could've died had I let it kill me (and by "it" I mean the summation of all the things I've gone through for two decades...Lord knows just how much) and I'd never live to tell the tale. That's probably why I couldn't let the idea go of having it tattooed on my right wrist, even when I'm the biggest coward in the world. 

Shia Labeouf has one interesting inked on his wrist, Katy Perry's "Jesus" too is another. In a shallow point of view, it's adding more to personal style, right? Not everyone has the balls to have it on them. I only dream of having it on...Throw me emotional, not physical kinds of pain, I'm game, but having a tattoo, I'd probably faint...I could already imagine the pain and I'm screaming right now...And also, laughing at myself for even thinking about it (cause I am but a big dreamer), but it haunts me, really. I could really see it on my wrist and in ten or twenty years from now probably won't regret having it...But someday I will, I don't know...

Anyway, the point is, I do dream of one day having the guts to go up to wherever it is people get inked and really have it on me. It is a gift, I believe (that's why it's on my "12 Days of Christmas" special). As I've said, it is a personal triumph and my "Lift" will keep me reminded of the past and life being one big hell of a battle and in the end, it's all worth it cause it's beautiful and after every war, you have the choice to lift yourself up, higher and closer to a point where the Earth is this close to meeting the Heavens, without ever leaving the physical. 

Back to shallow, more relatable terms, one of the reasons too why a tattoo on the right wrist has appeal to me is because I find it sexy. I am the last person you'll ever think of when "sexy" pops in and I feel like I've been the expected type for a long time, having a tattoo that goes with a hefty story takes all the predictability in me and would make me sexy. Pathetic. But hey, it's an honest evaluation of my shallow self...Who wouldn't want to be sexy, right?

And to add to that, throw in my dream watch, a Cartier Santos-Dumont in black and pink gold for that classic meets "so he's kinda edgy pala, I didn't know" effect. Imagine the leather strap disturbing the long, elegant lines of a tattoo? THAT is a beauty...

At least, the Cartier, I'm sure I'm getting sometime in the future when I could actually afford it and not loan my soul to the devil. The tattoo, is one of the highest, current dreams I have and if I really do, one day, get so drunk and wasted, someone please sedate me, or in short just mess up with my body and give me the tattoo, just the way I like it, all cursive and handsome on my  wrist...That would be a weak "lift"...Oh well, 'till the day I grow some extra, extra courage for it....

-Gerard

Now by the Sea: A Short Story

Maybe it's a telling sign of how I feel and how some of us feel...I don't know

"Funny how after all such hard work, promise, achievements, even love to the end suddenly fall apart when I am this close to its perfection. It's not quitting, nor losing or admitting defeat. It's something else, something I know everyone else will go through in their own, opportune time. When I'm tired, I'm tired, and for this moment, life's eternal tribute to times been and will be gives way to something the rest of the world and I have forgotten...now. 


Now, by the sea the world allows me a short chance to feel and be, while I have time to face life with and time wasted believing it was. The pursuit for love, success, fame and glory and everything else that seem to have figured the soul's most troubling questions faded into the background and all of now was the scent and music of salty waters, crashing and rolling on each other unto sand pure and pristine, a dome of blue and white and the depth of the ocean ahead of me, keeping ghosts of the world far from where I sat. I wanted to run wild and scream like today was created just for that. I was bursting with energy and joy, bursting with an innocence I have lost years and years ago. But I kept it for a while, because I had the rest of the day to do that and everything else. Somehow, nature and its lady, the sea, has taken me back to what matters and what matters is that now, I have finally lived." ----Gerard Gotladera

Possibly, my very first masterpiece to hit the shelves...And may I not jinx this one, but someday soon, this will probably be the ending you'll lose your heart to. So if you're an editor, please do contact me....I am dying to have this published.


-Gerard

The Face

Fashion's latest Hellen: Fei Fei

I wonder how many ships she'll set sail with a face like that?

"We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting."

- Kahlil Gibran

Pavement

Arc de Triomphe

And I believe, you could almost smell the cold, wet pavement.

I hope I knew whose work this was... Hmmm...So beautiful.

Good art doesn't just appeal to the senses...It makes it work without the whole, concrete sensible.

Just like everything else that's worth valuing in life...Right? Right!

I miss Dr. Ramirez... And Dr. Mariano...

Great professors who made us realize that there's truly more to life...

-Gerard

Fool That I Am

Malcolm Liepke

It's not really the title, but when I saw this the first song that came to mind was Etta James' Fool That I Am.

So does that reflect my present view on love, relationships and sex?

Or just one of those magic, artsy moments when you realize a painting could say more than its title, mean more than what line, color and perspective primarily meant to show and a song more than what you could take from its soulful riffs?

I believe it's the second one. Oh art...The fools you make of us all...

-Gerard

The Great War

Jesus in Brazil, falling on 2012 (still one of the most breath-stopping scenes from the movie)

For Western Literature we were assigned to read short parts taken from Chuck Palahniuk's famous Fight Club. And as a supplement, the movie came along with the assignment. I enjoyed the movie and it did teach me how men of our times think. One of the most notable things I remember from the movie was Brad Pitt's take on our generation and how the people before us have gone through great measures of suffering like the World Wars and Depressions and all that while we, are sitting in the middle:

"We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war...our Great Depression is our lives..."

This could be true...But then there's Iraq, Poverty, Terrorism and all other things we're fighting for and against. Maybe it's cause I've been pretty free lately which grants me all this time to watch prophecies of the end of the world and of course, there's 2012 which was shown last night on HBO, which makes me think that probably our generation's "Great War" just might be the Greatest War ever waged on Earth...The end of the world. Imagine that. After 2012 I checked out what people have been saying about this supposed end. And if you're like me, who gives just about everything the benefit of the doubt, it will scare you out of your bones to see what the present sees is in store for us in the very near future. By 2013 the internet would probably dead thanks to all these beliefs of scary solar storms that would rob us from our huge dependency on technology. By 2014, some economists are seeing great troubles that are waiting for the United States of America concerning governance and economics. 2012, they say, will be the end of times. It's part of a certain cycle the Earth goes through...Maybe the sun will release it's hot whip-like flares unto the planets closest to it, maybe the Earth's crust will shake and dislocate and relocate what we know now as our geography, maybe this whole issue on the weather will grow worse as the coming months pass, maybe Noah's Ark ought to be constructed again for a possible flood that will flood all other floods ever experienced. All of these are backed by science, they believe, and it seems like there will be people who could survive these. Now, I forget where I got these theories but I'm sure it's on Google. Type away the years and you'll see these results.

Point is, maybe this is finally it, the Great War our generation's been unconsciously waiting for. Sure we're the spoiled, have-it-everything-in-a-click generation. I mean, look at me, when the internet's running slow, even when it's just 3 minutes of loading, I get awfully cranky (that's really a bad, bad, bad trait). We're the pampered kids who have it easy because our troubled parents and grandparents had gone through the crap and they want us free from it. Well at least, that's what they say in books, movies and all those brilliant things you think about when you're high on caffeine in the middle of the night. Imagine that, the easy kids facing the end of the world...And maybe all of this is true. And I ask myself, being the Catholic that I am, maybe every generation has to face what God has prepared for them. Maybe this whole end of times/world we oh-so love talking about and making movies out of just might be our generation's coming war. Wouldn't it be nice to be all warm and hopeful that the entire planet would unite for the fight against the end? Well it is nice. Especially when you believe in the fact that you wouldn't be faced with the prospect of things if you aren't built to face it. No matter what others think of us, I believe it's possible that even when we have it easy, we're built like diamonds inside ready to face whatever great war it is we're destined to face...Yes, even the end of the world.

It's nearing Christmas and nearing 2011 and I am actually scared and excited to see what happens of us in 2012. I wish I was Nostradamus or that suddenly the Holy Spirit comes down to me to tell me to do so and so to prevent the end of the world, or at least save ourselves from the wrath of it, but I'm incredibly normal. I know deep down that all of this hype is just like the hype of the entire Y2K. Even in the days of my grandmother, they believed the world was to end. Besides, every generation always fantasizes that it'd be theirs that would come face to face with those gigantic tsunamis and those huge earthquakes just because every generation wants to believe that the end is humanly conquerable. We're quaking in metaphorical boots for sure, because we damn know that nobody really knows when the end will come. We're quaking in our boots cause we know that we want to be brave enough to actually face it, like all those other end of days characters have. We die or we get pass through it, it does seem like the world will be facing great things up ahead. Be it for the better or the worse, one thing's for sure, this generation's great war is no different from the ones the others have battled with. It's always all about courage and surviving the worst life has to face you with...

Well, I hope I'll be brave enough to face whatever it is the future has in store for me...Like that philosophy grade I'm still waiting for, or that decision between staying here or leaving for good...Somewhere in those selfish apprehensions I have, I believe is constantly the "bigger picture", that famous one that always takes all of us away from our tiny worlds to look at the world and what the forces that be has in store for it...I am afraid, but I won't let it consume me.

Besides, after watching Meet Jo Black and crying (hahaha...I know) to the last beautiful scenes of the movie (and all you could hear is "What a Wonderful World") I always tell myself that despite all this crap, the world is still one hell of a beautiful place.

Here's to our generation's great war...

P.S. I'll probably go easy on the end of the world documentaries and movies...It's almost school soon and I don't want to keep talking about 2012 on quizzes and homeworks. hahaha

-Gerard

On the end

Imagine: The Statue of Liberty buried in snow, or crushed by a meteor

Why do they always target New York City in apocalyptic movies anyway?

I busied myself this afternoon with History channel.

And since it's nearing 2012 (they say even that date's been debunked) our love affair with the end has taken on a more logical turn.

You've got scientists leafing through the bible, conspiracy theorists, professors, writers, even ordinary people speculating about the end of the world and it seems like everyone's partial to playing God.

I myself have a love affair with the end. It interests me so much that I really sit through all those documentaries. The Nostradamus Effect has got to be my favorite. It gives you practically a lecture on everything related to prophecies of the end and this afternoon, they checked out The Book of Revelations.

It scared me out of my own skin and after today, I'd never look at business men the same way again. It's a joke. They (meaning producers of shows like these) have these stereotypes of the said Anti-Christ and the False Prophet looking like head honchos of multi-billion dollar companies and it's funny. I guess they think that these two symbolic figures would show up wearing suits and silk ties and ruling over the world right before the "scary" Jesus comes out to save us. The book of Revelations also told of a different kind of Christ (the scary kind) that would, supposedly descend from the heavens on a white horse, his eyes red like flames, his robe drenched in blood and a sword coming out of his mouth. Not the Jesus I want to see saving us in the end. This was the Jesus who would save the good from the bad. On Earth too would be the final showdown of good and evil, where the Anti-Christ would come face-to-face with Jesus himself. You could just imagine the army of God all shiny and strong and I swear, it looks like a painting that may be existing or not.

There were also all these natural calamities that would bring us to the climax of the end, like scary earthquakes, monstrous rains, a volcano eruption (look up Yellowsone Caldera) so devastating, it'll rob us off sunlight and wrap our skies in heavy ashes and would cause a said major climate change.Wherever we are, these signs would affect everybody and the documentary mentioned that by the climax of these terminal events, more than half of the world's population would've been wiped out to even witness the last battle set somewhere in the middle East. These are all speculations and theories of people who have studied these prophecies, trying to piece together a logical possibility or picture of what the end would look like.

It is scary. Scary enough that you'd probably never want to sleep again cause you're heavy on paranoia, ESPECIALLY when you watch the news and check out what's happening to our world. Imagine, all of the world and everything we know gone in a slow, painful series of events that would lead to the end. No more Paris, no more statue of Liberty, no more beautiful Philippine Islands, no more Russia, no more Brazil, Africa. No more everything. And if we've been good enough, we are to find salvation.

Everytime I watch shows like this or listen to stories of the end, I could not help but wonder, why would God put an end to all this when he created it so beautifully? And in the first place, why create something only to put it to ruins... They say it's all about love. And how all good things come to an end. These kinds of questions sort of takes you out of yourself and inside a world where there are billions and billions more of questioning souls, just like you, who suddenly have lost interest in themselves and are faced with the "bigger picture". But isn't it sad to think that we always put the world to an end in such horrifying ways? I know the bible says it and other prophecies too, but I want to believe that we're stronger than this. That the human soul is far more beautiful than anything ever created and that maybe, if we look at the world, life and the times differently, the end will be different, hopefully, not ever come.

When you do check out the news and watch the end of days on TV, you couldn't avoid but feel so helpless and pathetic and angry. But that's basically why we're such amazing beings, because we always are free to rise from it all and see the best in things. I know the world will end, I just don't know when. And since I couldn't do anything about that, the best I could do is marvel and contemplate on the beauty of the world...there are so many things, that I realize, I take for granted or make fun of that are deserving of contemplation. I'd also love more, even when it's impossible to love in certain circumstances. Besides, isn't that the end-all be-all of life? Or better yet, try and be someone meaningful, not only to myself but to others, that would help change this world into something better, something worth saving instead of ending.

Right?

So help us God.

-Gerard

The Touch

by Michelangelo

"How can we live in Harmony? First we need to know we are all madly in love with the same God" ----St. Thomas Aquinas

(Always) About Love

A Moment in Time by Stuart Kirby

Last night, just like every other Friday night, I couldn't believe I was holding myself back from tearing up.

Go on and smile, cause this is me, investing emotions over a night class for my course. The Foundations of the Humanities ended last night and though we still have a 3,000 word paper due on Monday (October 18), it saddens me that meetings with Dr. Mariano has finally ended.

I might have frowned at the time slot of the subject, Fridays, 5-7:30 pm, but I have learned more than what I paid for.

If you're a student of the University of Asia & the Pacific, taking a class under the president of the university sounds scary, but believe me, fear, is the last thing you'll feel when you've settled yourself in the Arts Lab in the CAS building with your ears open and your mind empty, ready for 2 and half hours of mind bending, learning and unlearning.

I hope I make a good last paper because it's my last chance at showing the president that I've learned and that all his hard work and sacrifice were worth it. I also want to prove to myself that I am capable of doing papers that are legitimately philosophical that does not involve, fashion or people from the olden days of Hollywood. And of course, to put into writing what I believe is the truth I've learned from the class.

Anyway, aside from Dr. Mar being the best professor I've ever had in my entire life (believe me, taking a class under him is like seeing and knowing humanity), he's almost always going to make you cry. That's me. He says things in simple words, words understandable at the age of 12 and yet he strikes you because what he shares in class are things universal and true and very human. He's unconsciously talented at stripping you down to your soul and you're metaphorically laying out your beating heart and your stuffed mind on the table for him to whip them into better, human shape.

He's compared us to songs, how we're not all at once in one and how beings like us ought to spread out in time and space. He's mentioned how at the end of all time, when we do get to see God face to face, we'll find the truth and the beauty and the good. And just like what I've told Jamie Dio before, he's also mentioned that people ought to be treated like paintings, that the best way to treat a person is to contemplate them, possess them in a way that allows them freedom and growth. He's also taught me that there are definitely more things in life. That the deep seated questions we travel the world over for, the ones Eat, Pray and Love tell you of are all answerable when one desires to answer them. He showed us that the secret to life is no secret at all, that these things are usually the ones we take for granted, the simple and bare essentials that we grow blind to because we're careless beings. He taught me, during those grueling hour-long consultations, about the importance of language and being careful about the words we use.

He's also taught me about art and science and how things in this world are connected.

But the best thing I've learned from Dr. Mariano and from the voices he's been talking in and from taken from the greatest minds of all time, is all about love (always about love).

Last night, he ended our course with the question: "What is more important in this Earth? To know or to love?"

I for one am 90% sure of my answer and that is why I'm doing my paper on love. The love that I have only realized last night. The love that we all are built for.

I hope you know the answer as well.

You think it's obvious---and maybe it is---but it takes more unlearning, learning and mind bending for this question.

Well, I'm still praying I get a good grade from this subject, one that would hopefully qualify for a master's degree. If I do get a good grade, I'll meet the president again for another subject of philosophy. I will forever be grateful of the millions of things he's taught us and one day, I hope, I'll be able to face life in his own cool, unstudied yet wise ways.

Thank you Dr. Mar.

-Gerard

(We) Like it By the Window

The window display at Hermes in Melbourne

This Facebook campaign of sorts for Breast Cancer Awareness is quite the charm.

After being bothered by all the girls (and girl-likes) posting how they like it somewhere, I Googled it and realized that it was such a brilliant way to reach out and educate people about the cause. And since it's all about where women like their purses to be on, I realized that a true shopper at heart likes it BEST when it's staring at you from behind a cold, spotless window, igniting the fires of your stylish and romantic possibilities (and I understand, of course, that if it's Hermes, it's a whole new story).

That's probably one of the girliest things in me that I surrender too. I'm a big sucker for handsome window displays and perfect, perfect bags bathing under warm lights, just waiting for your purchase. Right after all the painful credit-card slashing and the continuous ringing of your conscience you realize that it's good to let it stay there...The exciting part about windows and the art and beauty in it is seeing the prospects of an elegant, beautiful future with the bag on display. And just like relationships and real good art, it's actually more perfect (if there is such a thing) just letting it be, behind that spotless glass window, untouched, unscathed and all too beautiful, free for your contemplation. Because sometimes, possessing it doesn't actually bring you as much joy as contemplating over it.

-Gerard

Going Chuck

Reads: I am happy today has turned out fine.

Even when I'm chubs.

Photo by the Lesley Choa

This is Gerard's happy meter, hitting the ceiling.

This is Gerard's smile, honest and at times forced, cause he knows he looks better on camera when he's showing some semi-pearly whites.

This is Gerard on a Monday, wanting to be as productive as productive could get, but half-way quitting.

This is Gerard, going Chuck Palahniuk and realizing, it sounds pretentious, when he's writing it.

I still couldn't get over Fight Club and how cool the movie is with its brilliant twists, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton (whom I think is the sort of peg for James McAvoy's character in Wanted...Shia and Joseph Gordon-Levitt could be reincarnations of Norton). I've been a fan of Palahniuk since, oh I don't know, 2007? I remember flipping through my black, glossy copy of Haunted---to Jerich Eusebio, you have to give that back to me...that was one of my favorite books---on a dark plane ride to Memphis and just feeling limp after every details he's penned. He's an excellent, writer who's just bursting with imagination and disguises deep life lessons in all his slice-through-the-throat masculinity. I tried, once, going Chuck, but it's really not my style. He has this slant on science and a penchant for anatomy, like Diary. I'm glad we get to take him up for the Stream of Consciousness discussion this Thursday for Western Literature. Along with it would be American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis and some (brace yourselves) Virginia Woolf. That's, so far, the reading line-up and the moment we hit the contemporary period, I realized something quite disturbing about this period.

Well, it started with Realism and Naturalism, you know, Crime & Punishment, Guy de Maupassant (spell check please) works, F. Scott Fitzgerald, William Tennessee, all those "realistic" works. And then symbolism comes in with great writers like Antoine de Saint-Exupery, Katherine Mansfield (whose The Fly just stuck eternal in my head). After that, we go into The Theater of the Absurd, Confessional Poetry which is incredibly depressing and at the same time acts like this invisible vacuum inside your core, and then this Thursday's Stream of Consciousness works. All these pieces and movements have that looming cloud over them...Like if you'd read them you'd feel like the world has gone mad, or the people have gone to dying as an art. I understand that it is because of the war. I mean, I am generations post-war and it still bothers me like a ghost blowing up my nape.

I guess that's one of the finest reasons why we have to study history. Far from checking out human intentions and just looking at the subject at a superficial point of view, it makes you mindful of what man was, what man is capable of and what has become. And it scares me, actually. I mean, what with technology and wealth and these new giant countries up and about...You know how we are. We're all sensitive beings and when we do get hurt, we hate. Imagine multiplying that to a bigger magnitude, countries against countries. That's millions of possibilities versus millions of possibilities. That's souls pitted against souls. And then right before you get all small and dead terrified that maybe the new world war would be the battle of biological diseases---like 28 Days Later---you realize that that's why you have history in school, and literature and theology and philosophy. They don't necessarily provide you with how-tos when it comes to war or whatever, but they do prepare you to meet what you really are, and what your own kind is, has been and will be. Right?

So I was checking out my readings and that thought crossed me (above). I do hope education and experience serve us our guides to the future. And after this class, Western Literature, I want to burden myself with the responsibility of writing like Chuck Palahniuk...Only this time, not gory, but hopeful. Don't you think our generation should raise the next in light of hope and resilience? Aside from good taste, of course.

Well, I'm getting too deep again, I guess this is what I get from all the reading. But you have to love it. Check out this Palahniuk quote I found. It has to be one of the best quotes there is out there, cause you have VOGUE in it AND Chuck Palahiuk AND life. Beautiful yet slightly pessimistic.

"Just remember, the same as a spectacular VOGUE magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel someday. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up."

quote: Thinkexist

.Gerard