Sunday, March 25, 2012


Change of perspective...Reflecting...
(If only I looked in the mirror and saw this for a reflection. BOOM! haha)
A friend pointed out something different about me weeks ago and I remember her face and how she said it: "Parang ang taba mo ngayon." Lord knows just how much of a weightI burdened trying to lose five pounds. I lost it all right. I'm happy. Not really cause I wanted to show her I lost weight---because she might not see it and in reality, it doesn't truly matter, but because I had set to lose some  anyway and now I'm 5 pounds lighter.

Fast forward to last Wednesday when I sat a little tired, hours past work and dinner swimming through stories, memories actually, of how the woman laid to rest in front of us was while she was alive. Lola Edeng, my grandmother's closest cousin passed away days ago and even though I wasn't close to her, I wanted to pay my respects, let the family know that we cared and let Lola Edeng know that from the rare times I've seen her, I remember her.

Tito Boy, Lola Edeng's son, had a really short speech to give about his mother and the thing that really stuck with me was how he described his mother, saying something like how his mom always does things with and for a purpose. Sifting through the beauty of her being a good mom, a good woman, a great friend, a caring parishioner what made me more sad was knowing that a woman who believed in a purpose, had a real sense of life was gone.

And as things always go, I get the oddest yet most important life lessons whenever I least expect them. Maybe for some, realizations such as these don't get bookmarked in their busy minds but for people like me, who are deep down, giving the self a lot of constant studying and reflecting, learning how life should be at a wake gave me a head start at things and life.

I looked at her in her coffin and she seemed well rested. As they say, just as if she was sleeping. I looked at her photos and called the oldest she had during the wake, her best. I told myself, "Look at her. She's lived a full, wonderful life and may have never bothered about a friend calling out how she's gained or lost weight." I'm sure she's had small issues that she had minded herself with, but I'm also sure that her happiness never rested on how much weight she's lost, how strict she's stayed to her diet, how much money she's managed to put in a bank, safe and sound.

While I have pondered on the idea of living a life lighter, not necessarily free of burden, but a life founded and geared towards more substantial things, it does make more of an impact when you hear and see someone who has lived life lighter, better...

The challenge, I believe of all great writing is never overwriting, reason why this "life" post is such a task to do because I could go and on and on about the realizations and what I've learned and it'll be incredibly easy. But I think keeping it short and meaningful delivers the message and also cuts some of the cheese you often read around.

It's not as easy to drink and live all this in as if it's downing a shot or slipping on a shirt. But it is in me now, a sort of anthology of life lessons, that remind me of what it truly is and what it truly should be. I honestly sweat the smallest of things. I could stress over how things don't work out a certain way, even when it's just a rip on a breast pocket. For people who could read others, they know I'm a huge warning sign. But I want to believe that along the way, as we all get older, we get to lose some of the baggage we gladly, sadly, inconveniently and conveniently carry around, because we either choose to or we are faced with occasions that will require us to just let go. And then it's clearer for all of us, what our lives should be.

They keep telling you life is too short to blah blah blah and you latch on to this a billion of reasons why you're partying, buying this, doing that, loving him or her...I've nothing against all of this. In fact, I'm all for it. But at Lola Edeng's wake and from the many lessons I've learned in the past, it's actually about having a purpose, believing in it and doing things with and for a purpose.

This is the perfect time to do a plug of The Purpose Driven Life, unfortunately haven't touched it or learned its entirety. Seriously though, you get to suddenly realize you're sweating too much of your time on the smallest and biggest things that may not have a purpose. It's not a matter of "trying it to know it", but from a personal perspective, it's more of understanding purpose and what the broad, broad word entails.

Couldn't say I know my purpose. I want to think I have an idea of it. But as I am still relatively young and heaving with tons of baggage 'round my back, I'm thankful to have gotten the chance to see it this way.

Perceptions and perspectives do change vision and hopefully, it does change, or better yet, bring me great knowledge of purpose.

Dedicated to the many late greats I've personally known.

Thank you for showing us life, incredibly lighter.

- Gerard

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