I saw this video and as if someone switched the light on inside my brain, I came to realize what I want do now:
That was a bad joke. No but, the CFDA Fashion Awards 2011 Behind-the-scenes footage sort of tapped in me something I've unconsciously put at bay. All I've done was dwell over things that could be written and a career that has just that to do, write, write, write. It's a dream, of course, but put in literal context, we dream a lot. Though there may be a few dreams that stick, you still dream other things.
So, for the love of Garrett Neff (who is here) and Sean O'pry and Isabeli Fontana and Freja and everyone else I love on (and off) the video like Jules Schratter, I thought, "Well, I'm so obsessed with the beautiful people, why don't I make a living out of it?". Why not work for a modeling agency, right?
Right! Hours ago, I sent in inquiries for job openings at three of Manila's most renowned modeling agencies and I'm having all my fingers crossed that at least one of them would reply. Waiting for a job is a little unnerving, should you ask me, but it's part of the journey.
And I really have such dismay and disgust at jobs you apply for, ask you to do stuff and then leave you hanging. I'd gladly read and hear an outright rejection than being given the coldest shoulder. It's not a personal thing, it's just that I've been brought up to be professional and have expected professionalism from the "professionals" here. And mind you, I know that companies make you wait, but they tell you to wait. Others just review your stuff, not find it worth it and forget to tell you "Hate to break it to you, but you're not fit for us." That I'd be glad to swallow.
Anyway, there. On the occassion that I do work for a modeling agency, booking them campaigns, bringing them coffee, putting them in line-ups for Fashion Week and all that crazy, fun stuff, I'd be really happy. I was talking to Jerich a.k.a. "Alexander Warhol" the other night---one of our long, sensible, telephone conversations, and realized that what I want to do is all for the appreciation of beauty. During the conversation it made perfect sense, that the reason I've been attracted to art, style, fashion, literature, watches, great-looking people, music, food, movies and the whole lot is because I simply feel most alive at the sight , sound, smell, taste and feel of the beautiful things. And mind you, the beautiful things don't always translate to, say, a precious gem or brand new pairs of shoes. It's a personal thing and while I find beauty in certain objects, people will cross them out and look elsewhere. And that's the wonderful thing about beauty. It's different for different people, but at a certain point, manage to meet and bridge those differences.
And that's why my favorite quote, by Kahlil Gibran, is about beauty: We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting.
I'M waiting now...
Literally though, once I get a job at a modeling agency, I'll be discovering beauty...IN THE FLESH.