Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Year in Falling

After a big push comes a great fall and finally, a place in the world.
Photo from Tumblr
In falling there are equal parts failure and success. 
Failure comes in the form of the physical or the sensible aspect of the verb itself, like having been pushed off a cliff and you’re—obviously, falling...A slave to gravity and circumstance, and all the fancy you please.

Success on the other hand, is in the form of the landing or the “after” that inevitably comes once things are set to motion. Of course people die from falls, things break as well in reality, but to put you and I at ease, the Year in Falling is all about the metaphysical and not so much the literal.

It’s been a year since I last wrote The Year I went Dancing and looking back at 2010, the feeling was of excitement, as if something (or I) was just floating in the air-something good, but you just couldn’t put a finger on it. And now, that 2011 is coming to a close, the feeling I’ve had for this year was of falling (if “falling” could ever be considered a feeling), quite the opposite of last year's.

Finally falling into the best place at the best time and finally realizing that, in retrospect, the year I went dancing and have felt incredibly light would all lead to this. 2011 for me had been punctuated  by major events, events that would shape my life in many ways I could only imagine. But it seemed as if for the most part of the year, I've been losing the excitement and the certainty over my future as months trained by. Looking for a job and figuring myself out in the middle of nowhere right after school and after firmly believing I was built to be something else consumed me to bits. Not to mention those other stories not everyone knows that have contributed to the dark moments of 2011.  

It was as if I've been introduced to a completely new world and in a new self by a big, strong, inevitable push from behind. And it's falling that felt like decades before it all ended: painful, scary and most of all, incredibly uncertain.

This was the failure, the "falling" proper itself.

But as I've mentioned, falling has as much good to it too. The moment I've landed on uncharted grounds and the moment I've given these grounds a good look, having endured a decade-long fall seemed the right and only way to get real life started.

I've been blessed with a job that I love. It allows professional and personal growth and at the same time, showers me with the right amount of character-building anyone could ever ask for. I've fallen in love with old and new friends that have helped me focus on only the most essential of things in life. They too have granted me many homes and families away from my own. My family, despite its fair share of dramas, has stayed as real, loving and supportive as ever and I am happy that it's never changed. I've also met so many people this year that have only visited me in my wildest of dreams and I am fortunate to be working with and for them. And of course, this year has made me realize my limits, my capabilities, my fears and my dreams more than the past years.

As I've floated on last year, it was only about time to have fallen from ivory towers and the crazy, juvenile heights youth usually affords you. This year has shown me that in falling, despite the fear we naturally tag to it, it actually situates people. It puts goals, decisions and dreams into better perspective, into proper places and into the first steps of fruition. It was as if falling had placed everything you are and will be into neat, tiny compartments, giving it order and rightful places in space and time. 

Where I am now, where I will be in the future I credit to the fall. I am in the right place, at the right time and I am this close to saying it's perfect, but I've got more to live to actually say and mean it. Simply put, I have been well situated and I thank God for it.

Again, a year will never be complete without the huge thank yous to the people I love, my colleagues, friends and family and of course, to the growing number of strangers who follow me and find me, well, worth their time. (Hahahaha). Big thank yous to all of you for making this year all great and all good. 

Hours away from 2012 I'm sure someone out there will be experiencing the fall and I tell you, from the things I've learned this year, falling only puts you in the best place and at the best time. You'll always get over the worst part and you'll look back and say, life's all good after all. 

To 2011, you have pushed me hard and you have taught me well. After the fall, the realest thing I could take away from it is finally knowing my place in the world. So thank you 2011 for the push.

Happy New Year everyone, Cheers and I wish you all the best this new yeaer has to offer.


1 comment:

  1. Hi there pretty girl! I really like how deep and insightful your writing can be.. I'm happy (FC ako eh!) that you've finally found a job you love, which also happens to be something you're really good at as well.. you might've experienced some dark times in 2011 but at least it all ended on a positive note, right? Cheers to a more awesome 2012! :)