It's Like That

Remember talking to Mia here about graduation gifts.
Still praying for you Mia.
Photographys by the Lesley Choa

Currently still bothered by a.) my always problematic ear b.) that project I have with (dot dot dot) and c.) the resumes I've sent to the magazines I want to work for. Bothered doesn't always mean a negative. Troubled, I say is more derogatory than bothered, don't you agree? I was never a "kampante" kind of person, one who despite the most obvious of positive facts would be able to sit back and relax. I'm a big nervous wreck and as I've mentioned before, the trick is to keep it all cool outside while inside you're like a volcano about to go burzurk. And I always, always have to tell myself to calm the (fuck) down, cause worrying could only make things worse. Thing is though, it's my magic. It seems like the more I build myself up for the panic, the more "better" the outcome is for me. See... The world has its odd ways. It's like that, and that's way it is, some RUN DMC for you.

Let's drop the worrying for a while and talk about the RUN DMC shirt. I have a RUN DMC shirt and an AC/DC shirt and a Mickey Mouse shirt I got from SM---by the way, in the next days I'll be posting this cool, cool style diary project I have of myself, and I know it sounded vain, but it's not that vain..., and you'd wonder if wearing shirts with these prints on them reflect my interests and what have you. Sure. RUN DMC, I'm no huge fan of, but I appreciate their music, thus the look. AC/DC's the same case for me. Mickey Mouse, however is a bit of an issue. I'm a Donald Duck, not a Mickey Mouse. But it turns out that while I was snooping 'round SM for something good to get for the dreaded summer days to come---long sentence right there, this really cool Mickey Mouse shirt had the best size and colors that I liked. Donald Duck's designs weren't that good for me. SO....there. Anyway, this street-ish style I've been pulling off on my lazy days. You'll probably see me in more of these especially when April comes cause that's when doing my usual layering style would cause me a heat stroke. You know how Manila gets, it's all t-shirt weather and God bless you if you have the body to pull off a birthday suit. Yeah. And I'm still blaming Chico Lachowski for this. 

Now, we go back to the worry. Last day of school was yesterday. I know. And I'm like "why the hell am I not going sentimental all over this"? I mean, I just said goodbye not only to a great, great, great, great, great college life, but also to the decade-long education before university. Then my heart starts going a little too fast than its normal pace and I realize that in a matter of weeks/months/(hopefully not) years, I'd be entering the real world all of education has prepped us for. While all of this is happening, right, news goes and warns us of a 10.5 earthquake that could POSSIBLY hit our country (I repeat, it's a possibility). Others can shrug it off and say "if it happens, it happens", but I'm not like that. Seriously, the moment I heard this I couldn't sleep straight. So I've been constantly in prayer. We don't want to lose more lives, and to think we're still praying for Japan. And while all of this is happening, I'm worried sick about a subject I have and of the future jobs I'd be getting and of a place to stay in when I'm, say, 22 (I'm 21 now)....

So what I do is, I go---at night, to the park, sit myself down and think it all out. Here's the cheesy part: I'm sitting on a blue swing right, listening to whatever's on my iPod, and I look up and the moon's  looking back at me, perfect inside a frame of dark, dark leaves of a tree and then the wind brings you this summer night chill and you want to giggle at yourself cause you feel like it's all coming from some novel you've read and found on Tumblr, and then it hits you again...That freaking sound of your own voice, in a panic of what life and what is beyond life about to bring you in the next seconds... Then you calm yourself down again and laugh at yourself cause, honestly, you know you're starting to sound like a schizo. 

The moral of this post is that, we have come at an age where paying so close attention to what the latest news about you is, is just plain old useless. We're old. It's like that. We age, we grow and we start on a journey to close the latest, extremely tough and beautiful chapter of a young life. Up to this very moment, I'm still entering that Samuel Beckett kind of thinking and (yes, that's one reason why I picked up smoking...Sorry) I'm trying my hardest to be on top of it all. And to think, the future's still not here yet. It's only beginning. Hah. Well, what I'm surely happy and grateful of is that God has always had such great love for me and for the people around me. Even when things start to look so bothering, troubling and dark, we still get to experience those (not cheesy) great moments in between and it's not such a bad life at all.

It's really just like that.

More of these good bye posts---ones that are more straight to the heart, in the next days. As of now, I have put aside worrying cause I'm soooo sleepy.


- Gerard