Sunday, August 1, 2010

Open Letter to Ryan Kennedy

Dear Ryan Kennedy,

Dear Ryan Kennedy, can you please hold still? It's hard to fix a Dolce & Gabbana tie when you keep staring. Must you always be a slightly longer-faced version of my ultimate idol Garrett Neff?
Anyway, please hold still and remember that you could always replace Neff IF you work out more and IF you work more. Garret Neff really is like Michelangelo's David.
And that's not just the reason why he is my favorite.
But your current popularity is quite scary. And that's cause you look THAT good. I pray you become more successful, like I always do to newcomers as promising as you.
Anyway, your tie's perfect. It's time for you to walk. WERK IT!!!!

I wish I had those cheekbones. I could slice melons with those.


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